Posted in band, emotions, marching band, music

My Connection with Music

I’m sure everyone everywhere has always said that music is their favorite thing ever and they can’t live without it. This post is going to be kind of like that but I want you all to know how special music is to me when we are done. I am a very fake person when it comes to my emotions. I hate emotions, any of them, even the goods ones like happiness. The reason for that is emotions take so much energy from me. They drain everything I have. I have always been like this. It has always been easier for me to be fake happy and cheery either than face and show my actual emotions.

The only time it’s simple for me to express anything is when I’m listening to music, playing an instrument, or singing. Truth is though I haven’t played an instrument since 2011 when I graduated from high school. I definitely miss it all the time. Being in marching band and regular band during all of high school was some of my favorite times in my life. Every semester when we got new music to perform, I knew there was going to be that one piece that I connected to above all others; that one piece of music that would cause me to have and show emotion while listening and performing it.

For three years, I had watched seniors get super emotional during this last performance and I never really understood it. I had felt powerful emotions during these 3 years before but nothing like what these seniors were expressing. So when I was a senior in high school, the final concert was intense. During my final performance, I was so overwhelmed honestly. Here were all of my friends, people that I had grown up with, people I had performed it, people who had been on the same journey with me since day 1 of band camp in 2007. These people had been around to witness my highs and lows. In the audience all of the band parents and friends were sitting listening to us. After four years of band, you get to know all of the band parents very well and it was so special to them all out there. The actual performance seemed to last forever and yet not long enough. By the time the last note was played and the echo of that note evaporated from the air, there was just this overwhelming silence in my heart. I knew I wasn’t going to ever play with all of these amazing individuals again and I had played this bass clarinet for four years now which I had to give back now. It might seem silly to some of you that I was emotional over returning an instrument but I really was. When you spend hours every day playing the same instrument, cleaning it, taking care of it, repairing it, etc, you start to care about this instrument, almost like a pet. That sounds weird and I feel weird even saying that but whatever, that example works!

Besides performing in band, just listening to music all the time is very special to me. There are a lot of songs and artists that always help me remember specific memories. For example, any Avenged Sevenfold song reminds me of my great friend Andres and just hanging out with him after work and rocking out to their songs. Their songs also remind me of going to their concert in 2012 with my friend Jessica from Arizona State. I love connecting memories or people to songs or groups although sometimes I wish I didn’t have those connections that they bring intense emotions. An example of that is listening to the song called Until It’s Gone by Linkin Park.

I am going to start this story by talking about how much I love Linkin Park. They have been in my top 5 bands forever and that will never change! I love everything they come out with and I’ve seen them in concert more than any other group or performer. There are some many songs that I can relate to very easily and I just believe that are extremely talented. Anyways back to the story. Their song “Until It’s Gone,” came out 2 days after a dear friend passed away. The lyrics and the pain that I hear in this song made me connect it to losing him. Everyone that was around me during that time can tell you that I didn’t cry or get super emotional until right after the funeral service. I guess at the time, I didn’t know how to show or relate how devastated I was but I would show my friends the video to this song, I honestly think, it would make them understand my pain.

Okay, I could go on and on about music, bands, songs, etc but I won’t right now! I might make a part 2 for this topic. Hope you enjoyed this post!



Welcome to my blog! Here you can find a little of everything. My poetry, conversations about mental illness, movies, books, shows, dungeons and dragons, etc. Another thing that you find here will be some short stories. I have several ideas, just need to write it out for you! I hope you will stay and start a conversation with me! Enjoy!

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