Posted in blog, emotions, family, friendship, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, mourning

The End of an Era

A few months ago, I wrote about a friendship of mine that had changed. One where my friend and I were very close, very dependent on each other but after 10+ years of friendship, we were just becoming too different to stay best friends. But since that post, many things have happened. 

My friend and I used to be roommates and wow, was that a bad choice. Our friendship pretty much dissolved completely in just a year. The first post where I wrote about our friendship was about 9 to 10 months into us living together. If any of you have read that post, which was called “Friendships Change,” you would understand how our friendship was before it blew up. It was helpful, healing, and just fun. Music played a huge role in our friendship. Unhealthy family dynamics probably played the largest role in our friendship. 

Anyways, I wanted to write about this again because since that post, the friendship has completely exploded. Even though I was still under a lease at our apartment, I just told her that I would continue to pay my part of the rent but I was moving out. I couldn’t live in a place where I felt constantly criticized and where my life and the people in my life were looked at with disdain. 

I had hoped deep down that once I moved out and some time had passed, we would be able to maybe mend our friendship. I didn’t think we would ever be best friends again like before, but maybe just a friend that you talk and hang out with here and there. How wrong I was. 

As soon as our lease was up and we moved completely out, she removed me from all social media and blocked me. The day I found that out, man, did it hurt. All my hopes about keeping her in my life were gone. It has been about 5 months since we last talked. Whenever something big or important happens in my life, my first instinct is to text her and tell her about it but then I remember I can’t do that anymore. 

There are some days when all of this really hurts and I just want to cry. She was like a sister to me, someone who I trust over everyone else. I know I don’t have that person anymore, that they are just gone sucks so much. I have grieved for loved ones before that have passed away, and this pain is very similar to that. The person who was my sister, my best friend is gone; she doesn’t exist anymore. 

Day by day, the pain is slowly fading. I have made new friendships, who support and encourage me, who love the me I am today. She made her choice. If she wants nothing to do with me anymore, then I will move on and eventually, I hope that I will just remember our friendship for the good times we had. I wish her nothing but the best. 

If any of you have ever gone through something like this or are currently going through this, just know it gets better. But remember, it is still okay to mourn that friendship, that held a special place in your heart for so long.

Posted in blog, emotions, life, love, poem, poetry, relationship

Everything

I cannot ask for more

Never in my deepest dreams 

Had I truly considered 

Finding someone like you 

Until one day 

You were there 

Before you

I never realized 

How the earth shook 

Under me 

Before you 

I had never 

Experienced true warmth 

True security 

The day we found each other 

That was the day 

The earth finally stood still 

I was finally 

On solid ground 

Everyday 

I see you 

I feel you 

And I thank the universe 

For you 

Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, poetry

January Book Wrap Up

Earlier this month, I posted my January book review and I thought I wasn’t going to get through any other books the rest of the month because of school. But LUCKILY, my school work hasn’t been that bad yet! So I went a little crazy and read A LOT more books after those from my last post. 8 more books to be exact!

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • I LOVE this book and when I found out there was a sequel to it, I got real excited. This book creates a beautiful world of magic with hints of the Latino culture which I loved since I grew up in the Mexican culture. Best way to describe this book is think of the show Charmed but with Latinx witches (brujas)!

The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J Cameron 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Self-Help
  • Audible
  • I liked this audiobook but I didn’t think it was anything new or revolutionary. I enjoyed some of the exercises within this book to help with calming anxiety and that negative voice that can affect your brain.

You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Autobiography
  • I knew even before starting this book that I would absolutely love it! If you are a fan of Felicia Day, the gaming world online, or just geek stuff, read this book.

The Book of Sam by Rob Shapiro 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • The world described was so vivid that I felt completely immersed and the descriptions in this book about Hell were different from others I have read so I appreciated that. As you read this book and meet new character, you will just never know if that person/demon is good or bad.

Hold Me Tight by Jason Schneiderman 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Poetry
  • Very different from other poetry books I have read before. This book addressed anxiety from a world filled with technology and violence.

Bruja Born by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Sequel to Labyrinth Lost and it did not disappoint at all. Again, if you loved Charmed, love witches, and strong female characters, read this series. I can’t wait for the third book in the series to come out later this year.

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • This was an easy and fun young adult book that makes you invested in the character’s lives and dreams. The romance in this book was simple and was built nice and slow from the beginning. I don’t like when authors introduce character, give them little interaction together and then they were somehow in love. This book’s romance made sense.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction/Fantasy
  • It takes a lot for me to cry at a book or movie but this book truly made it easy to cry because of the heart-wrenching storyline. The author tackled the ideas of death, grieving, loss, and healing after the death of a loved one.

I am so proud of myself this month. I got through 19 books total this January! Started off this year strong for sure. We shall see how February goes. I am currently working on three books, Towers of Midnight (Wheel of Time book 13) by Robert Jordan, Glass Sword (Red Queen book 2) by Victoria Aveyard, and The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians book 2) by Rick Riordan. I am excited to see what other worlds I discover this month! What are you guys reading? Do you guys have any recommendations? Leave me a comment. Until next time, bye everyone!

 

Posted in blog, Books, Fantasy, geek

January 2020 Book Review

Seveneves by Neal Stephenson 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Science Fiction
  • I enjoyed the world that was created in this story and the characters were decent. I gave it a 3 out of 5 because it was just average to me.

Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Horror Fiction
  • I had high hopes for this book and it lived up to those hopes. I loved the symbolism throughout the story and all the horror elements.  

Infinity Son by Adam Silvera 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction
  • This was a brilliant book full of characters that you could connect with and relate to. By the end of this book, I wanted to be in this world and I can’t wait for the sequel.

No Judgement by Meg Cabot 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Romance 
  • I usually don’t like Romance books because I personally feel that they are all very similar but I decided to give this one a chance since I had enjoyed previous books by Cabot. I do not regret picking up this book, it was truly enjoyable and simple

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Historical Fiction 
  • I knew I would love this book even before I started reading it. I love history and learning more about the Tudors. This was a great book to see more of the relationships that we have heard so much about

The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan, Brandon Sanderson 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fantasy
  • This is book 12 of the Wheel of Time series and the first book where Brandon Sanderson took up the challenge to finish the series for Robert Jordan. The middle books in the series were a slow and difficult read for me but this one held my attention from the start. Can’t wait to read the last two books in the series 

The Diary of a Hounslow Girl by Ambreen Razia 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fiction 
  • This was an audible book and I liked how it was performed and the way the author made it easy to relate with the main character 

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Juv Young Reader Fantasy
  • I think most people already know about the Percy Jackson books so all I will say is if you haven’t read this series, go read it. It is worth it especially if you like mythology and Greek mythology specifically

Simon vs the Homo Sapien Agenda by Becky Albertalli 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction
  • I had watched the movie based on this book before reading it so I knew the general story. I definitely enjoyed the book more than the movie because several changes were made in the movie that I don’t think should have been changed. 

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fantasy, Fiction
  • This will probably be my most controversial review and rating. So many people love this book but I just did not like it. I hated the writing style, way too flowery. I felt like there was no true plot and no conflict. The characters were bland with no direction or true reason to do anything  

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Self-Help, Nonfiction
  • This book has changed many people’s lives, so I was curious about it. I did like several of her suggestions and have started implementing them into my life. The main point that I completely disagree with was in regards to what books to keep and how many you should keep. I love having a ton of books at home even if I never reread most of them. I won’t get rid of them, that is for sure!

Posted in Bad Mexican Daughter, blog, emotions, family, fandom, Insecurities, life, lifestyle

The Bad Mexican Daughter, Part 2: “Family Don’t End With Blood”

Welcome back to The Bad Mexican Daughter. I hope those of you who read the first part of this series not only enjoyed it but also connected to it in someway. I know that for me, as I was writing part 1, I felt a major sense of relief. Those were thoughts I have had for years, thoughts that had haunted and taunted me. It felt good to be able to express myself freely for the first time. Not holding back at all. 

So I want to continue that feeling. Here is The Bad Mexican Daughter, Part 2: “Family Don’t End With Blood”

“Family Don’t End With Blood” has become a very important part of my life and how I see the world. For those of you who do not recognize that signing, don’t worry I will explain its origin and for those that do know this quote, let’s be friends! Anyways, this quote was said by a character in the TV show, Supernatural (one of my favorite shows of all time). He is yelling this quote to the two main characters, explaining that even though they are not blood related, they are family. 

This statement has always held a very special place in my heart. I have always been that individual that felt more comfortable, more understood with people outside of my family than with those that I share blood with. That is a very un-Mexican thing to think. My parents, especially my mom always argued with me because I didn’t like going to family parties. That feeling started at a young age, probably 8-9. I just knew that I didn’t fit in with my cousins, that I didn’t want to play or dance with my family. My mom would just say that I was misbehaving and she would force me to go to family events. 

Let me explain one thing very quickly. I came from a typical Mexican family, meaning LARGE family. Both of my parents had several siblings and cousins and those individual’s all had 2-6 kids so I have A LOT of cousins. And unfortunately for me, I have only ever truly connected with 3 of those cousins. My extended family loves parties, loud music, dancing, drinking, etc. That is not my scene at all so during these events I would find the farthest corner away from everyone with my close 2-3 cousins, if they were there, and just tried to ignore everything around me. Those events always made me anxious and uncomfortable, yet I still had to go. 

Lucky for me, once I got into high school, started honor classes and joining clubs, I had several excuses to miss those parties. Eventually the only time I would see my extended family was at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even then, I would leave early to spend time with friends or my boyfriend at the time. 

The older I got, the more certain I was that my “family” wasn’t only those related to me by blood. When I say this, I want to make sure that everyone understands that I am not saying that my blood family isn’t my family anymore. But those who I have chosen to be my new family are just as important and precious to me as the others. Family should be those who you want in your life, to share important moments with, the people who understand you. For me, the majority of those individuals are not blood relatives and that is okay. 

Sometimes, I feel bad feeling this way. Mexican culture is very strongly connected to family. Family is the most important thing in the world, next to God. I was told this my entire life. So when I say that the family I have chosen isn’t those blood related to me, its almost like a slap in the face to my blood-related family. But I believe we all have the right to feel comfortable and safe with those we call family and that is why I can’t call all of my blood relatives my true family. 

When I was younger, I figured these thoughts and feelings would go away but they only intensified. Now as a 26 year old woman, I can understand that these thoughts, these feelings are perfectly okay and this acceptance all started with that quote from Supernatural, “Family Don’t End With Blood.” If you feel closer and safer with people who are not blood relatives, that is okay. If you want to spend time with your new family more than your blood relatives, that is okay. Life is too short to continually put yourself in situations where we feel uncomfortable and strange.

Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, life, nerd, Uncategorized

Book Haul! – January 2020

As an employee of a bookstore and living close to another used bookstore, buying books is just going to happen. Some people might think I’m crazy for the number of books I purchased and just have, in general, in my house. But to me, books are an escape, they are my happy place that helps me with my anxiety. Some months, like this month, the book haul will be huge and other times, not so much.

A bit information about my reading habits:

  • Fantasy books are my absolute favorite (ex. Harry Potter series, Dresden files, Mistborn)
  • I read a little from every other genre except religion and business books not because I don’t like those types of books but because I just haven’t found anything in those genres that interests me yet
  • I try to read 2-3 books a week
  • I love Audible and use it every day

Okay let’s get to the book haul for January 2020!

Physical books:

  1. The Truth About Magic by Atticus – signed copy (Poetry)
  2. The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks (Fantasy)
  3. The Last Command, Star Wars by Timothy Zahn (Fantasy)
  4. Feast of Souls by C.S. Friedman (Fantasy)
  5. Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman (Fantasy)
  6. Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson (Fantasy)
  7. Dead Beat by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  8. White Night by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  9. Turn Coat by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  10. Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan (Juv Fantasy)
  11. The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer (Juv Fantasy)
  12. The Enchantress Returns by Chris Colfer (Juv Fantasy)
  13. Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (YA Fiction)
  14. Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova (YA Fantasy)
  15. Bruja Born by Zoraida Cordova (YA Fantasy)
  16. Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman (Science Fiction)
  17. Serpent and Dove by Shelby Mahurin (YA Fantasy)
  18. The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  19. Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  20. A Little Hatred by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  21. King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo – signed copy (YA Fantasy)
  22. A Memory of Light by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson (Fantasy)
  23. Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss (Fantasy)
  24. Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer – signed copy (YA Fantasy)

Audible books:

  1. Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi (YA Fantasy)
  2. A Fire Sparkling by Julianne MacLean (Romance/Historical Fiction)
  3. The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J Cameron (Audible original/Personal Growth)
  4. Junkyard Cats by Faith Hunter (Audible original/Science Fiction)
  5. Payoff by Dan Ariely (Self-Help)
  6. Forensics by Val McDermid (True Crime)
  7. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard (YA Fantasy)
  8. You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day (Biography)

If you guys have any recommendations of awesome books that I should check out, please leave me a comment! Until next time, bye!

P.S. A special thank you to my friend Lauren who stood in line to get Joanna Ruth Meyer to sign Echo North for me! You are the best!

IMG_20200117_092836

 

Posted in Bad Mexican Daughter, blog, family, life

The Bad Mexican Daughter – Part 1

Ever since I can remember, I have always said that I am a bad Mexican daughter or in general just a bad Mexican. My entire family is Mexican, both of my parents were born in Chihuahua, Mexico, moved to the US in the 90s, and later had me and my sister. Growing up in California, I was surrounded by Mexican culture; the music, food, people, religion, traditions. All of it. So you would think I should be good at being Mexican but you would be wrong. These next set of posts will example how I am a bad Mexican. 

Quick disclaimer, if you find that you are like me and would be considered untraditional in your culture, that is completely okay. I have come to terms with being different from my family and it doesn’t mean we love each other any less. They like to give me a hard time about the way that I am but oh well, that just means I need to return the snarkiness right back to them. Be who you are and do not be ashamed of that person because that person is great. 

Now onto probably the biggest reason I consider myself a bad Mexican, I am too “white” or at least that’s what several family members and friends have said. 

Let’s start with the first example of how I am a bad Mexican or too white…I suck at speaking Spanish. Spanish was actually my first language with English being taught to me here and there. I went to a bilingual preschool and that is where English became the main focus. As I grew up, I would only speak Spanish with my family because there was no need for me to speak it at school. When I would go visit family visit in Mexico as a teen, my relatives would tease me about my “bad” Spanish which was becoming more “Spanglish” every year. Then when I was 18, I moved away to Nebraska and I really didn’t speak any Spanish there at all! Only time I got to practice my Spanish was on my weekly calls to my mom back in Arizona. Once I moved back to Arizona in 2018, my Spanish was just terrible. My family gives me crap about it constantly to this day.

Second example: Being a nerd, liking rock/metal, and liking the foods I like makes me too white. So I have a big family, a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc and on top of that I have had many Latinx friends and let me tell you, it is really hard to find people with the same interests as me. Like I said before, I am a huge nerd, whether it’s fantasy, sci-fi, anime, those are my things. Being a nerd is not a very Mexican thing and my family has never understood where my love for these things came from. Plus when I was younger, my parents would try and deter me away from things like Harry Potter and video games because they didn’t like them. It was always strange to my family when I would choose to skip a family party to stay home and read or watch something nerdy. They believed I should enjoy going to family parties, dancing, being around people but that just isn’t me. Besides my love for nerdy things, I also love rock and metal music way more than what my family likes, which is country and latino music. I can appreciate those styles of music but it’s just not my preference at all. I remember when I discovered bands like Linkin Park and Disturbed, my mom was upset and believed it was the devil’s music which was making me different from the family. I think my family just never understood the beauty behind this kind of music because they just focus on the aggressive guitar/drums and “screaming” vocals and not on the lyrics. Lastly, to many I am too white because I prefer foods like steak and sushi and prefer drinks like whiskey and craft beers. These items to people in my family, at least, would be considered “white people food.” I never understood why what it liked to eat mattered so much, especially because I enjoy Mexican food too, just not as much as the others I mentioned. Yet, my family likes to bring it up to me and comment on it. 

These are just a quick overview of things that make me seem too white to my family and adds to be being a bad Mexican. I know these few examples are not major traits to me, they are just simple parts of who I am but when you are like me and are so different from those in your family, these little traits are always criticized and mentioned.

This is just part 1 of The Bad Mexican Daughter series. Later I will focus on other traits and beliefs like religion that makes me different. Please come back and if you have a question or comment, feel free to send me a message!

Posted in blog, Books, Fantasy

Best and Worst Books of 2019

These are the best and worst books I read this year. I think picking five for each list is a good number. My goal was to read 50 books this year and I am happy to report that I am at 55 books currently and will probably finish one more before the end of the year!

I want to clarify one thing before I list these books. Even though five of these books ended up in my worst list, it doesn’t mean they are awful books. I would 100% mention if they were the worst book ever written and any problems I might have with them. The only reason these five ended up in this list was because compared to everything else I read, these were the slowest, most boring out of all of them. Or they simply weren’t the kind of book I usually enjoy reading so they were unfortunately at a disadvantage.

Best books of 2019

  • Skyward by Brandon Sanderson
  • Becoming by Michelle Obama
  • Ex-Heroes by Peter Clines
  • I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sanchez
  • Star Wars: Darth Bane – Path of Destruction by Drew Karpyshyn

Quick explanations:

  • Reading Skyward proved to me yet again that Brandon Sanderson is an amazing author who keeps writing incredible books. The world Sanderson created within this book is massive and I can’t wait to see where he takes the story in the sequel
  • I loved Becoming for the honesty and openness that Michelle Obama gave to her readers. Plus I loved reading about her relationship with Barack from her own words.
  • I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Ex-Heroes series because usually I am not a fan of zombie stories (I find them repetitive and boring) but this book gave me a new type of zombie story that I truly enjoyed. Zombies vs Superheroes = AWESOME
  • I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter was the book I always needed growing up but never had. I am a first generation Hispanic American that was definitely not that perfect Mexican daughter. It was nice to finally read a book with a character that I could relate to completely.
  • All I will say about the Darth Bane series is READ IT! It is one of the best Star Wars series I have ever read.

Worst books of 2019

  • Crossroads of Twilight by Robert Jordan
  • Running Horse Ranch by Sandra Givens
  • A Lush and Seething Hell: Two Tales of Cosmic Horror by John Hornor Jacobs
  • Cursed by Thomas Wheeler
  • The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

 

Quick explanations:

  • Crossroads of Twilight is the 10th book in the Wheel of Time series and I know I might get hate for placing a Robert Jordan book in a worst list but hear me out. It was an okay book but it was just so boring compared to the other books. I have continued the series and I can definitely say the books start improving again after this one.
  • Running Horse Ranch was a romance book and unfortunately its just not a genre that I enjoy very much. Easy read.
  • I expected more horror from A Lush and Seething Hell but unfortunately it was just boring.
  • When I started Cursed, I had a lot of hope because I love Arthurian stories but it fell flat for me.
  • I will probably get some hate for placing the Night Circus on my worst list but like the book before, it was just a bit slow and flat. The love story in it was decent but it wasn’t enough to make me truly enjoy this story.

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Posted in blog, Dog, lifestyle, Pet, Separation Anxiety

Wallaby, the Anxious Dog

In August, my boyfriend and I adopted a beautiful, sweet dog named Wallaby. The humane society said he was a chihuahua/australian cattle dog mix but honestly I think he is more of a mini pinscher than a cattle dog! Pretty quickly we realized that Wallaby suffered from separation anxiety. Having a dog with social anxiety and separation anxiety can be tough. Knowing that you have to leave your dog alone when going to work, school, etc can be rough when you know they have these problems. For me, not only do I feel guilty leaving him alone when I know he is upset, I also get upset thinking about what he might have gone through before we adopted him. We know a little about his past before us and when we adopted him, Wallaby had just recovered from a broken jaw. Whoever abandoned him had most likely broken his poor jaw. Literally writing that just made me start tearing up. He is the sweetest boy in the world who loves his humans more than anything and to think he suffered like that, crushes my heart.

Over the last 6 months, we have observed several triggers that will scare him. Some are obvious; loud sounds, crashing sounds, fireworks. Others are a little more random, like if I even touch a broom or mop, he instantly cowards and hides. Also if a strange man comes close to him, he will start to shake, cry, and bark. Luckily, the more time we take him out to meet people and other dogs, the more confident he is getting and the fears that he had are slowly disappearing. 

During the first visit with his vet after the adoption, we explained to the vet all the behaviors that Wallaby had whenever he realized we were leaving. As soon as he sees us get our keys or even put socks on, he will start to shake pretty severely, then comes the jumping. He will jump on us hoping we will stay or at least take him with us. He will start nibbling at our hands and clothing as well. At this point, we usually notice that he is aroused, which is apparently common for dogs with separation anxiety. The worst thing that happened because of his anxiety was severe damage to our bedroom door. He had started scratching underneath the door in order to try and reach us so every time we would get home, wood and paint chips would be everywhere! 

The vet made us feel better about this situation, she suggested several techniques and ideas to help with his anxiety. The main one was CBD. I had heard that it could help humans with anxiety but I had no idea it would work for dogs as well! She also suggested reading a book called Decoding Your Dog: Explaining Common Dog Behaviors and How to Prevent or Change Unwanted Ones by American College of Veterinary Behaviorists. I am so glad she suggested that book because it gave some many tricks and ideas to help a dog with this condition. We bought him so CBD oil and give it to him in the mornings and an hour before we leave him alone. It was been a miracle worker. We also started working on some techniques that were mentioned in the book suggested by the vet. 

We will have had Wallaby for 7 months come January 6th. Wallaby still suffers from separation anxiety but it’s nowhere as severe as it was when he first got him. He has stopped damaging the bedroom door and the shaking has calmed down. He still jumps on us when he knows we are leaving but as soon as we get him to sit and say settle to him, he calms down. Since we have been taking out to interact with people and other dogs to places like PetSmart and dog parks, he has come out of his shell and enjoys getting attention from strangers and meeting dogs. 

Wallaby’s anxiety will probably always be a problem but at this point with the CBD oil and techniques we have implemented, his anxiety is manageable. If your dog has anxiety, social or separation, I highly recommend talking to your vet about CBD and reading the book, Decoding Your Dog. Knowing he is getting better has been such a relief for us and him too.

CBD oil we use: https://hempbombs.com/product/pet-cbd-oil-125mg/

Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0544334604/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_fLuaEbPRAY3XH

Posted in blog, emotions, family, fandom, friendship, geek, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, music, nerd, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

To anyone that might read this

Hi my name is Stacey and thank you for visiting my blog. I started this blog years ago when I was going through the worst depression I have ever experienced and needed a safe place to express my emotions, my thoughts. My depression back in 2015 was no joke, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to go on leave from work for six months and was going to therapy, at first five times a week, with a psychologist and a counselor. I had no real support in my life which made everything ten times tougher. I was in a loveless, harmful relationship with a guy that believed his problems were the only problems that mattered. My family lived in another state which sucked but honestly even if they had been in the same state, their presence would have probably added to my depression.

Let me explain. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I am a disappointment to her. I am first generation college student who was always good at school so my family expected me to go to a university, graduate in four years and get a good paying job right out of college. Let’s just say that did not happen. Instead I moved away from my family after my freshmen year, moved in with a boy, and dropped out of college. My family, especially my mom, likes to bring this up and how I should be done with school and my degree by now. Also my mom doesn’t believe in psychology and psychological disorders. She was raised in Mexico in a very Catholic environment and if you had a problem or any stress, you were to pray to God for help not go to a doctor or therapist. So when I had my mental breakdown, my mom could not understand why it was happening and she didn’t believe I needed therapy and medication. To add to all of this, I was getting texts from my sister, who was still living with my parents, that I needed to stop being selfish and move back home because I am upsetting our mom. Absolutely no support or kind words from her at all, just judgement. Lastly, the main reason my depression would have been worse with my family around…my dad. In another future post that I am going to write I will go into detail about my relationship with my dad. All I need to say now is that he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic for my entire childhood and life (until recently) and he is a great deal of stress and anxiety in my life. I never told him about my depression or anxiety because he would have made a joke about it and believed that I was just being a “drama queen.” Currently, our relationship has improved slightly but if I spend too much time around him, or see him and my mom interact, my anxiety and stress spikes.

Okay, enough about my family drama. Back to reason I am writing all of this down. I want this page to be where I can write about anything and have a conversation with people about issues like depression, anxiety, family problems, unhealthy relationships. But also have a place to talk about fun things that I love like fantasy books (or just books in general XD), movies, harry potter, supernatural, dungeons and dragons, paranormal, conspiracies, etc. etc! I also want to continue to work on my poetry which has a special place in my heart. I think I covered everything I wanted to cover. I hope someone reads this and wants to come continue a conversation with me that I start. We shall see I guess! Thanks to anyone who is here reading this!

-Stacey