Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, nerd

July Book Wrap Up!

What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Arthur is in New York for the summer because of his mom’s job and he is a hopeless romantic. Ben lives in New York and he thinks the universe hates him. These two meet at the post office but they don’t exchange numbers so Arthur and Ben start hunting for each other because they felt like the universe had brought them together. Once together again, their relationship develops. This was a very cute book that makes you root for these two guys so much. It was a great way to finish my month. 

The Ship of the Dead by Rick Riordan

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

The finale to the Magnus Chase series and wow, Rick Riordan never disappoints me! All of our favorite characters from the series are back and we even got to see Percy Jackson within this series for a bit as well! Loki is trying to destroy the world yet again and our incredible characters are on a mission to stop him. My favorite part of this series and this book specifically is how Riordan introduced a gender fluid character and the developing love interest that happens with this character! Highly recommend pretty much anything by Riordan.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I went back to the Mistborn/Cosmere world by Sanderson and like always, it was an incredible journey. I had read The Alloy of Law almost two years ago (I think?) and for whatever reason, I didn’t finish Mistborn era 2 at that time but I think it is time to finish it! I love how this book shows us the world 300 years after the events of Mistborn era 1. We follow new amazing characters that are filled with humor, depth, and intensity. Some people say Sanderson does not write female characters very well but I completely disagree. This book had another main female character that I just loved especially because like me, she is obsessed with criminology. 

Calamity by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Next up was the final book in the Reckoners series again by Sanderson and man do I just love this man’s works. The third book opens up as the Reckoners are trying to survive as Limelight is hunting them down. They all have to decide if they can survive their friend or if they will have to kill them. The romance was just enough to keep me happy but luckily it didn’t take over the entire story. I like that Sanderson is not afraid to cripple or kill his characters. The story came full circle by the end and was completely satisfying to me. 

Helter Skelter by Vincent Bugliosi

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

I am someone that is studying to become a forensic psychologist so true crime, serial killers, and cult leaders are subjects that have always interested me. Charles Mason is one of those individuals whose story I know but I just can’t fully understand his control over his “family.” I liked this book because it dove deep into the events leading up to the Mason murders and explained more of the mindset that several of the family members had before, during, and after the murders. 

Once More Upon a Time by Roshani Chokshi

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

This was your typical fantasy romance story. A prince and a princess are in love, something separates them, a quest begins, and then they are together again. It was cute and a fun read but it was completely predictable. 

House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J Maas

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

This was the first Maas book I have ever read and wow, it will not be the last! My best friend Lauren bought me a copy and has been bugging me to start this book for so long and I will say, I was nervous! Maas is one of her favorite authors so I felt like I needed to love it or else she would have been disappointed! Luckily for her and me, I LOVED this book. Wow, I was surprised by how much I fell in love with this world and these characters. The main MC Bryce was constantly dealing with survivor’s guilt, PTSD, mistrust and anxiety and I absolutely love when an author isn’t scared to torment their MC. Her growth and strength throughout the entire book was so satisfying to read. The hate to love romance in this book was PERFECTION! The twist at the end was so clever and actually SURPRISING! If all of Maas’s books are like this, I will be a happy reader. 

Punk 57 by Penelope Douglas

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

After last month when I read Birthday Girl by Douglas, I knew I wanted to read more of her books. In Punk 57, we follow Micah and Ryan, both 18 years old, who have never met but have been pen pals since they were kids. Micah is a singer in a metal band and Ryan is a cheerleader at a different school. A death happens in Micah’s family which leads him to pretend to be someone else and enroll in Ryan’s school, in order to achieve a few goals before leaving town. This is 100% a hate to love romance and the sexual tension is amazing. Another gratifying book by Douglas. 

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

With everything going on in the United States, this is a book that was recommended to me and that now I am recommending to all of you. I am not going to review this book. Just read it. Books like this are important to be able to understand even a little bit about what is happening in our world and what has been happening this entire time! 

Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Another Sanderson book, another astounding read. This story is part of Sanderson’s cosmere world and I knew a lot of people who loved this book so I was excited to finally get to it. We follow three different main characters, a prince who is cast out, and princess from a foreign land, and a religious official trying to convert everyone in this city. This is one of the most political books by Sanderson that I have ever read and I loved that. There was a magic system but it was not the main focus. Again just like in Alloy of Law, the princess in this story was writing extraordinarily well, in my opinion, full of humor, strength, charisma, and intelligence. Yet again Sanderson wrote a phenomenal book and to know that this was his first book is just insane to me. He is so talented. 

Before They Are Hanged by Joe Abercrombie

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Before They Are Hanged is the second book in the First Law trilogy following the same twisted and grim characters that we met in the first book. This world continues to surprise me with its brutality and scheming. What I love about this world is how the characters we follow are so dark and gray, yet you can’t help rooting for them to succeed, to survive. I am excited to see what the third book in this series brings. 

Gemina by Amie Kaufman, Jay Kristoff

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Second book in the Illuminae Files, we follow different characters in the same world but different spaceships. Hannah is the spoiled party girl daughter of the ship’s captain and Nik is a member of a drug crime family. While getting ready for a party, the ship is invaded by a strike team and it’s up to Nik and Hannah to survive their loved ones, their home, and possibly the universe. Overall it was okay. I think I enjoyed the first one more and it just didn’t fully grab my attention.  

The Golden Dynasty by Kristen Ashley

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

The story starts with Circe waking up in a weird corral filled with women who are about to be “hunted” by warriors to be claimed as their wives. She hopes its all a bad dream but soon realizes this is all actually happening. Circe ends up grabbing the attention of the clan’s chief and becomes his wife. She has to quickly learn the culture, the language, and try to survive in this brutal world. The entire time all I could think of was Khal Drogo and Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Trigger warning for sexual abuse 

The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

If Peace Talks by Jim Butcher hadn’t come out this month, this book would have easily been my favorite of the month! This was the first book I have ever read by Hendrix and it will not be the last. The book is set in the suburbs in the 1990s and we follow a group of wives that love reading thrillers and mysteries in their book club. When a stranger moves into town, kids start disappearing, and weird events keep happening, the book club tries to figure out what is happening in their small community. This story was creepy, intense, and so well written! The social and women issues that were addressed  

Peace Talks by Jim Butcher

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Guys! Guys! It is FINALLY here! After 6 years, the wait is over! I was so happy when I got my signed copy in the mail. I took my sweet time over a weekend to read this book and man, was it worth it. I can’t say much about it because it would lead to spoilers for some of the other books in the series. But pretty much, we follow our favorite wizard, Harry Dresden, as he is stuck yet again between a rock and a hard place. Honestly, the end was emotional, stressful, and so entertaining. I don’t know how they will survive the attacks that are happening in Chicago right now. Can’t wait for Battle Grounds! 

Shadows of Self by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

On to book 2 in the Mistborn Era 2 series and man did the twist in this book slap me in the face honestly. I had a slight feeling about the twist but I didn’t think it was going to actually happen. I felt really bad for Wax in this book. Wax follows the advice and direction from the Gods in this world. Eventually Wax is a great character, Wayne steals the show for me a lot of the time with his humor and troubled past. 

Too Much and Never Enough by Mary L Trump

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I liked this book for what it was, a simple overview of Mary Trump’s family through her eyes growing up and how she saw her Uncle Donald Trump’s rise to power. There was no “tea” that the world hadn’t heard of before but the book explained how Trump’s family played a big role in making him the person that he is today. I do recommend this book to readers interested in the mind of Trump and why he is the way he is but don’t go in expecting some great revelations. 

The Bands of Mourning by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

I was a little sad to read this book because I didn’t want to be caught up with the Mistborn world, I just love it so much! There were so many twists and turns in The Bands of Mourning that I didn’t see coming! I liked the development we have seen with Steris, who I found boring in the first book but she has become so charming with her seriousness and list making. I loved that Sanderson had the readers venture out of the capital to explore more of this world and introduced us to some new characters from a distant land. Major cliffhanger at the end so I can’t wait for the next book. 

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

This book has become one of my favorite books by Sanderson which is always hard to say because I love all his books. I didn’t know what to expect going into it because I like to avoid any spoilers when I read books. The magic system in Warbreaker was so interesting and unique and the political story line was amazing! There were several twists throughout the story that I didn’t see coming and that just makes me love the book even more. 

Bully by Penelope Douglas

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Penelope Douglas has easily become my favorite romance author and Bully was another incredible book by her. We follow Tatum and her neighbor Jared. Growing up, they were best friends and very close but after a summer away visiting his dad, Jared changed. After that summer, Jared became Tatum’s bully, constantly spreading rumors and harassing her. Now as seniors about to graduate, Tatum is finally standing up to Jared and that causes their relationship to change. Very fun and fast read. 

Posted in blog, Books, Fantasy, geek, nerd, Uncategorized

June Book Wrap Up

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A Crystal of Time by Soman Chainani

Rating: 5/5 stars

In the fifth installment of the The School for Good and Evil, all of our favorite characters are back but our heroes are all in danger because of the evil, false king that has taken control of the kingdom. With every new book in this series, a real danger and fear for my favorite characters becomes more intense. I absolutely love that, especially when it happens in a middle grade series! This book was a roller-coaster for my emotions in the best way! I immediately ordered the final installment for this series when I finished A Crystal of Time. 

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The Iron Flower by Laurie Forest

Rating: 5/5 stars

The Iron Flower is the second book in The Black Witch Chronicles and it did not disappoint me at all! Our favorite characters like Lukas, Elloren, and Yvan are back and just trying to survive as they help the resistance. I loved reading about Elloren development and how she is finding out more and more about how wrong she was about her people, religion, and government. The love triangle in this series is intense so be ready for it. I know people might disagree with me about this but I prefer Lukas and Elloren together over Yvan and Elloren but still loved the whole triangle in this book. 

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Firefight by Brandon Sanderson

Rating: 4/5 stars

Second book in the Reckoners series by one of my favorite authors! I enjoyed this book more than the first one which makes me very excited to pick up book 3 in July! I liked how Sanderson explained the condition of the city after the events in Steelheart and then quickly moved on to another city where the Reckoners help was needed. Seeing the underground network of the Reckoners in another city added so much to the story for me. There were deaths, there were some serious revelations! Overall, a great book. 

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Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim

Rating: 4/5 stars

Okay so this book was incredible and I am so glad it didn’t disappoint me. All I knew about this book is that it was a retelling of The Count of Monte Cristo which is the favorite classic. I just love a revenge story with a sparkle of romance. I am very excited to see where this series goes. The sequel will be ordered as soon as it is out! 

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How to be a woman by Caitlin Moran

Rating: 3/5 stars

Caitlin Moran details her life experiences that have shaped her as the woman that she is today and talking about some basic “woman” characteristics that she didn’t agree with. It was very chatty and that is not necessarily a bad thing. She comments on pop culture and gender rights throughout the whole book. It was all overall okay but there were times where it was too much ranting for me. 

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The Shadow Wand by Laurie Forest

Rating: 5/5 stars

I was extremely excited to start this book, the third installment in The Black Witch Chronicles! There was a major revelation that happened at the end of Iron Flower and we start this book shortly after those events. Pretty quick into the story there is a major death and wow, that hurt! The author is not messing around! Definitely more adult content throughout this novel which I loved. I fell more in love with Lukas when reading Shadow Wand. I was so emotionally invested and moved while I read this. I may or may not have shed a couple of tears! I am so sad that I have to wait probably a year or more for book 4! At least there are a couple of novellas in this series to hold me over until book 4 comes out!

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The Infinite Noise by Lauren Shippen

Rating: 5/5 stars

In this book, we follow Caleb who has the ability to feel the emotions of everyone around him, a true empathy. Being 16, in high school, and knowing everyone’s emotions makes Caleb’s daily life very difficult. Caleb befriends a boy named Adam who Caleb has noticed is very depressed. Slowly Caleb and Adam get closer and they have to work together to get through life and high school. It was a beautiful book that showed an incredible LGBTQ+ relationship. 

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One True King by Soman Chainani

Rating: 5/5 stars

I finally made it to the final book in The School for Good and Evil and wow was this final installment everything I wanted it to be! Tedros and his friends need to stop the false king and complete several trials left by King Arthur in order to save themselves and the kingdom. My favorite part was definitely Merlin and all of the crazy things he says and does. The way Chainani connects all of his books and kept revealing new information even in the last book was incredible. The humor and emotional moments that fill his books were definitely there. I loved how this store ended, it honestly made me tear up. This is a series that I would gladly read again and again. 

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Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg

Rating: 3/5 stars

This was another LGBTQ+ book I read this month and it was overall okay. Rafe is a teenager living in Boulder, Colorado and he is openly gay. He isn’t teased or tormented because of his sexually but he gets tired of being only known as the gay kid. Rafe decides to transfer to an all boys boarding school in New England to start fresh and he decides to keep his sexuality a secret from everyone at the new school. Seeing Rafe navigate through this new school, new friendships, and new life is interesting and has several moments where Rafe needs to decide if keeping this secret is worth it. Overall, like I said, this book was okay but I was hoping for more honestly.  

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Birthday Girl by Penelope Douglas

Rating: 5/5 stars

This was the first book I have ever read by Penelope Douglas but it will not be the last! I absolutely loved it! I can’t believe I have never read one of her romance books, they are adorable. In this book, we follow a young woman who meets an older man at the movie theater on her birthday and there is an instant connection. Come to find out, she is dating that guy’s useless son. The couple ends up having to move in with the father. Nothing happens between the older man and the young woman until after the relationship with the son has ended but wow, was there sexual tension! I think what I liked the most about this book is how these two people realize how much they need and want each other, not just sexually but emotionally. 

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The Rage of Dragons by Evan Winter

Rating: 5/5 stars

I was most excited to pick this book up finally. I had heard so many amazing things and I was not disappointed at all. The fact that Evan Winter self published this book is incredible to me because of how good it is. We follow Tau as he is training to become a soldier to protect his people from their perceived enemy. Several things happen and Tau is now on a quest for revenge. The mythology, world building, magic system, all of it is fantastic in Rage of Dragons and I cannot wait for the next book in the series! 

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The Sword of Summer by Rick Riordan

Rating: 4/5 stars

It felt good jumping into another Riordan world, especially one based on Norse mythology. Magnus Chase is a young boy who lost his mom and is now homeless. His uncle goes looking for him, saying that he is a danger and very soon after that, Magnus is thrown into a world of Norse gods, Valkyrie, and prophecies. This book has the same great humor and sarcasm one can expect from a Rick Riordan book. 

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Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

Rating: 4/5 stars

I have been wanting to read more books by Latinx authors so when I found this novel by a Latinx woman, I was sold. I have always loved books to tie into real world mythology, especially Greek or Norse mythology. This book is filled with Mayan mythology and as someone who is Hispanic with family from Mexico, I want to learn more about Mayan mythology. This book follows a young woman that is treated badly by her family because of who her dad was and one day when she is left alone in her grandfather’s house, she finds bones hidden in her grandfather’s trunk. Come to find out, these bones belong to a god who comes back to life and needs her help in order to reclaim his throne and full powers. I really enjoyed reading this book and the characters were all entertaining to follow. This author just had a new book come out this month called Mexican Gothic and I already know I will be purchasing it very soon. 

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Angles of Music by Kim Newman

Rating: 3/5 stars

This is a hard book to describe because the main plot is a little insane! So pretty much, the phantom of the opera, named Erik, runs an agency that solves crimes and mysteries in the city. Just think of Erik as Charlie from Charlie’s Angels, and the women that work for Erik are his “angels.” It was very insane but in general, a fun read. My only problem is this book, which caused the rating to be 3 out of 5, was the way to was written as more like short stories because there are multiple time jumps and new “angels” introduced too often. I felt like every time I got used to the angels and started enjoying those angels, they would change. 

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Wildest Dreams by Kristen Ashley

Rating: 4/5 stars

The main character is a wealthy woman named Seoafin “Finnie” Wilde and she lost her parents when she was young. She finds a witch that tells her that there are multiple dimensions where her parents’ twins or doppelgangers are still alive. All Finnie has to do is pay a million dollars to this witch and she are her own twin from that other world will trade places for one year. Her twin wants to switch with Finnie too. As soon as the switch happens, Finnie realizes that her twin tricked her into a possibly dangerous situation. She is forced to marry Frey Drakkar, a powerful and important warrior in this fantasyland. This book has a hate to love relationship, a lot of magic, dragons, and fairies. I am excited to see where book 2 goes.

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The Hammer of Thor by Rick Riordan

Rating: 4/5 stars

Book 2 of the Magnus Chase and man, do I just love this series and just books by Riordan in general! Magnus and his friends are back trying to stop Loki, find Thor’s hammer, and stop the possible giant invasion into Midgard. Riordan’s humor in this book is incredible and the new main character that was introduced adds so much to Magnus’ team. This character is gender-fluid which I just loved that Riordan is including more LGBTQ+ people into his books. We end this book talking about how Magnus needs to finally meet Percy Jackson and man, am I excited for that!

Books I didn’t finish:

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The Twisted Ones by Ursula Vernon

If you have followed my book blog journey you would know that I don’t give up on books. It is not something I like to do. I usually try and force myself to get through books because there is always something positive that I can enjoy. But unfortunately, this book disappointed me and I just COULD NOT finish it! I was really excited actually about this book because I love horror but I got through about 180 pages and I couldn’t find anything to hold on to. I had to DNF The Twisted Ones unfortunately.

Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, life, nerd, Uncategorized

Book Haul! – January 2020

As an employee of a bookstore and living close to another used bookstore, buying books is just going to happen. Some people might think I’m crazy for the number of books I purchased and just have, in general, in my house. But to me, books are an escape, they are my happy place that helps me with my anxiety. Some months, like this month, the book haul will be huge and other times, not so much.

A bit information about my reading habits:

  • Fantasy books are my absolute favorite (ex. Harry Potter series, Dresden files, Mistborn)
  • I read a little from every other genre except religion and business books not because I don’t like those types of books but because I just haven’t found anything in those genres that interests me yet
  • I try to read 2-3 books a week
  • I love Audible and use it every day

Okay let’s get to the book haul for January 2020!

Physical books:

  1. The Truth About Magic by Atticus – signed copy (Poetry)
  2. The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks (Fantasy)
  3. The Last Command, Star Wars by Timothy Zahn (Fantasy)
  4. Feast of Souls by C.S. Friedman (Fantasy)
  5. Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman (Fantasy)
  6. Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson (Fantasy)
  7. Dead Beat by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  8. White Night by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  9. Turn Coat by Jim Butcher (Fantasy)
  10. Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan (Juv Fantasy)
  11. The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer (Juv Fantasy)
  12. The Enchantress Returns by Chris Colfer (Juv Fantasy)
  13. Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (YA Fiction)
  14. Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova (YA Fantasy)
  15. Bruja Born by Zoraida Cordova (YA Fantasy)
  16. Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman (Science Fiction)
  17. Serpent and Dove by Shelby Mahurin (YA Fantasy)
  18. The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  19. Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  20. A Little Hatred by Joe Abercrombie (Fantasy)
  21. King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo – signed copy (YA Fantasy)
  22. A Memory of Light by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson (Fantasy)
  23. Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss (Fantasy)
  24. Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer – signed copy (YA Fantasy)

Audible books:

  1. Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi (YA Fantasy)
  2. A Fire Sparkling by Julianne MacLean (Romance/Historical Fiction)
  3. The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J Cameron (Audible original/Personal Growth)
  4. Junkyard Cats by Faith Hunter (Audible original/Science Fiction)
  5. Payoff by Dan Ariely (Self-Help)
  6. Forensics by Val McDermid (True Crime)
  7. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard (YA Fantasy)
  8. You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day (Biography)

If you guys have any recommendations of awesome books that I should check out, please leave me a comment! Until next time, bye!

P.S. A special thank you to my friend Lauren who stood in line to get Joanna Ruth Meyer to sign Echo North for me! You are the best!

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Posted in blog, emotions, family, fandom, friendship, geek, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, music, nerd, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

To anyone that might read this

Hi my name is Stacey and thank you for visiting my blog. I started this blog years ago when I was going through the worst depression I have ever experienced and needed a safe place to express my emotions, my thoughts. My depression back in 2015 was no joke, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to go on leave from work for six months and was going to therapy, at first five times a week, with a psychologist and a counselor. I had no real support in my life which made everything ten times tougher. I was in a loveless, harmful relationship with a guy that believed his problems were the only problems that mattered. My family lived in another state which sucked but honestly even if they had been in the same state, their presence would have probably added to my depression.

Let me explain. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I am a disappointment to her. I am first generation college student who was always good at school so my family expected me to go to a university, graduate in four years and get a good paying job right out of college. Let’s just say that did not happen. Instead I moved away from my family after my freshmen year, moved in with a boy, and dropped out of college. My family, especially my mom, likes to bring this up and how I should be done with school and my degree by now. Also my mom doesn’t believe in psychology and psychological disorders. She was raised in Mexico in a very Catholic environment and if you had a problem or any stress, you were to pray to God for help not go to a doctor or therapist. So when I had my mental breakdown, my mom could not understand why it was happening and she didn’t believe I needed therapy and medication. To add to all of this, I was getting texts from my sister, who was still living with my parents, that I needed to stop being selfish and move back home because I am upsetting our mom. Absolutely no support or kind words from her at all, just judgement. Lastly, the main reason my depression would have been worse with my family around…my dad. In another future post that I am going to write I will go into detail about my relationship with my dad. All I need to say now is that he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic for my entire childhood and life (until recently) and he is a great deal of stress and anxiety in my life. I never told him about my depression or anxiety because he would have made a joke about it and believed that I was just being a “drama queen.” Currently, our relationship has improved slightly but if I spend too much time around him, or see him and my mom interact, my anxiety and stress spikes.

Okay, enough about my family drama. Back to reason I am writing all of this down. I want this page to be where I can write about anything and have a conversation with people about issues like depression, anxiety, family problems, unhealthy relationships. But also have a place to talk about fun things that I love like fantasy books (or just books in general XD), movies, harry potter, supernatural, dungeons and dragons, paranormal, conspiracies, etc. etc! I also want to continue to work on my poetry which has a special place in my heart. I think I covered everything I wanted to cover. I hope someone reads this and wants to come continue a conversation with me that I start. We shall see I guess! Thanks to anyone who is here reading this!

-Stacey

Posted in blog, emotions, friendship, life, lifestyle, love, nerd, relationship, Uncategorized

Friendships Change

Letting go of a 10+ year friendship is never an easy thing. Hell, even letting go any friendship is really hard. These friendships might have been what you needed to heal and grow at one point of your life but things change. People change.

I have had someone in my life for years and for the longest time, it was like we were twins. Of course, we had different personalities and ways of thinking but in general we were very much alike. From obsessing over Harry Potter and Supernatural to both of us having serious family drama. We could relate to each other so well that we could just look at each other and know what the other one was feeling. I’ll admit, it probably hasn’t the healthiest friendship around. I think we were very dependent on one another and that was probably not the best idea.

As the years have gone by, we have both changed and matured quite a bit. Both of us have been through some serious trauma since we met back in 2010 and both of us are still trying to heal. The main issue now though we can’t relate to each other anymore. My friend was always very political and strong minded, which I have always admired, but after spending time in the Midwest and expressing different cultures/lifestyles, we have come to see the world very differently. She will hate on something that she loved last year just because of one bad article without looking into the accusations more. She judges people’s desire to be in a relationship because she sees it as unnecessary and a waste of time. She is quick to criticize your behavior as unhealthy even though she does some unhealthy things as well.

I am not saying all of this about her to make you think I am better than her. Quite the opposite, she has been very successful in her career and school. She has healed a lot through therapy. I am extremely proud of her and everything she has accomplished. I just wish she would acknowledge those things about me rather than judge me for the way I live my life and what I want to achieve. I know I have a lot of growth in me still, I just wish the person who I have considered my best friend for so long would see that without criticizing me. I wish I could still talk to her about anything like before and get advice, get help instead of judgmental comments and looks.

I am happy that she has found others in her life to rely on and communicate with. I am happy she is achieving her goals and dreams. At this point in our friendship, I have to accept that we can’t depend on each other anymore and we have others in our lives that we are closer to. I always thought she would be my maid of honor at my wedding but now I am sure she won’t be. If I can’t be completely comfortable and safe with her, I can’t consider her a best friend or my twin anymore. It breaks my heart but we are just different people now, with different ways of thinking.

Posted in fandom, geek, nerd

Fandoms!

The last couple of posts we have posted have been kind of serious and deep but like I said before that all of the posts will be like that. I am very excited for this post because it’s going to be about FANDOMS! Just in case there is someone out there that doesn’t know what fandoms are, a fandom is a group of people that feel a connection because of their love and massive interest in a specific topic. Over the last couple of years, thanks to tumblr and other social media sites, fandoms have become very popular and people love to embrace their “obsessions.” I hope no one gets offend with me saying obsession because it’s completely okay to be obsessed and absolutely in love with a TV show, music artist, comic book hero, etc. I honestly can’t even list all of my fandoms or obsession because there are so many. My entire house is covered with posters and merchandise of my favorite fandoms. I love that in the last couple of years, it has become okay to display your love for these things and talk about our obsessions. During high school, I always felt like I couldn’t completely be myself and show the love I have for so many fandoms. Most of the friends that I hung out with during high school were way more into performing in band/marching band/drum corps, ultimate Frisbee, and other things that were definitely not my fandoms. I was 100% definitely the nerd and geek in my high school group of friends. My twin, Mallory, said something to me when we started hanging out that she never thought I was a nerd or geek because of the way I presented myself with my clothing and makeup. I started hanging out with a few people at Walmart where I worked at the time and a lot of them agreed that they had no idea I liked nerdy things because I just didn’t look like the “type” (whatever that means) and I never talked about my obsessions. When I started at Arizona State University and started hanging out with Mallory and other nerds from Walmart more and more besides just my friends from high school, I started to feel like I could share my love for my fandoms and it was accepted. I started to not be afraid of talking about my fandoms and wouldn’t hide the merchandise that I purchased of these fandoms.

The most important fandom to me would have to be Supernatural. From the first episode that aired in 2005, I was completely in love and infatuated with this TV show. I was 11, about to turn 12, when it started and have definitely grown up with Supernatural and have always been a loyal fan! One reason this show means so much to me is because Supernatural is the reason I find my soulmate, my twin Mallory! One random day at Walmart, Mallory and I had lunch together and one of us brought up Supernatural and from that moment, we were forever friends. Another reason why Supernatural means a lot to me is because I was really into the paranormal, fantasy shows and movies but before Supernatural, I never really had a chance to learn about different paranormal stuff or folk lore. But this show allowed me to increase my interest in all of those areas. I could go on and on about why Supernatural is the best show ever but I will only talk about one more reason why I love it. The best thing about this amazing show is the cast. Everyone who has ever been on this show, whether they are still around or have died, is absolutely fucking awesome!  Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Felicia Day, Mark Sheppard, I could go on and on about the amazing actors and actresses on Supernatural but I just love how incredible and hilarious all of them are. I love that when you watch the gag reels for the seasons, interviews, or they go to conventions, every single cast member is open and loves their fans.

-Stacey