Terrifying and paralyzing fear
If people could feel this racing heart of mine,
They would believe I was about to get murdered
All I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear
Hide from my life and hide from my responsibilities
I don’t want to let anyone down
I don’t want to cause problems
Stop acting like a baby, there is nothing to be scared of
Failure, embarrassment, disappointment
That’s what is going to happen
Let me hide away
Let me feel nothing
The world is too much
I’m not strong enough for everything yet
Too much has changed yet not enough
I want to scream and cry
Nothing else
Life is waiting but I’m not ready
No one understands the pressure
The feeling of being forced
I want to run away
Avoid everyone
Avoid everything
The world is too much
I want a light to come in
To warm up my soul
To see a brighter future
It’s my life and it needs happiness
My smiles hides all of these thoughts
My laughter erases any doubt you may have of my emotions
But my eyes reveal everything
Someday things will change
Someday my eyes, smile, and laughter will be connected
Will be true
-Stacey