Posted in blog, emotions, life, love, poem, poetry, relationship

Everything

I cannot ask for more

Never in my deepest dreams 

Had I truly considered 

Finding someone like you 

Until one day 

You were there 

Before you

I never realized 

How the earth shook 

Under me 

Before you 

I had never 

Experienced true warmth 

True security 

The day we found each other 

That was the day 

The earth finally stood still 

I was finally 

On solid ground 

Everyday 

I see you 

I feel you 

And I thank the universe 

For you 

Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, poetry

January Book Wrap Up

Earlier this month, I posted my January book review and I thought I wasn’t going to get through any other books the rest of the month because of school. But LUCKILY, my school work hasn’t been that bad yet! So I went a little crazy and read A LOT more books after those from my last post. 8 more books to be exact!

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • I LOVE this book and when I found out there was a sequel to it, I got real excited. This book creates a beautiful world of magic with hints of the Latino culture which I loved since I grew up in the Mexican culture. Best way to describe this book is think of the show Charmed but with Latinx witches (brujas)!

The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J Cameron 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Self-Help
  • Audible
  • I liked this audiobook but I didn’t think it was anything new or revolutionary. I enjoyed some of the exercises within this book to help with calming anxiety and that negative voice that can affect your brain.

You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Autobiography
  • I knew even before starting this book that I would absolutely love it! If you are a fan of Felicia Day, the gaming world online, or just geek stuff, read this book.

The Book of Sam by Rob Shapiro 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • The world described was so vivid that I felt completely immersed and the descriptions in this book about Hell were different from others I have read so I appreciated that. As you read this book and meet new character, you will just never know if that person/demon is good or bad.

Hold Me Tight by Jason Schneiderman 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Poetry
  • Very different from other poetry books I have read before. This book addressed anxiety from a world filled with technology and violence.

Bruja Born by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Sequel to Labyrinth Lost and it did not disappoint at all. Again, if you loved Charmed, love witches, and strong female characters, read this series. I can’t wait for the third book in the series to come out later this year.

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • This was an easy and fun young adult book that makes you invested in the character’s lives and dreams. The romance in this book was simple and was built nice and slow from the beginning. I don’t like when authors introduce character, give them little interaction together and then they were somehow in love. This book’s romance made sense.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction/Fantasy
  • It takes a lot for me to cry at a book or movie but this book truly made it easy to cry because of the heart-wrenching storyline. The author tackled the ideas of death, grieving, loss, and healing after the death of a loved one.

I am so proud of myself this month. I got through 19 books total this January! Started off this year strong for sure. We shall see how February goes. I am currently working on three books, Towers of Midnight (Wheel of Time book 13) by Robert Jordan, Glass Sword (Red Queen book 2) by Victoria Aveyard, and The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians book 2) by Rick Riordan. I am excited to see what other worlds I discover this month! What are you guys reading? Do you guys have any recommendations? Leave me a comment. Until next time, bye everyone!

 

Posted in blog, emotions, family, fandom, friendship, geek, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, music, nerd, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

To anyone that might read this

Hi my name is Stacey and thank you for visiting my blog. I started this blog years ago when I was going through the worst depression I have ever experienced and needed a safe place to express my emotions, my thoughts. My depression back in 2015 was no joke, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to go on leave from work for six months and was going to therapy, at first five times a week, with a psychologist and a counselor. I had no real support in my life which made everything ten times tougher. I was in a loveless, harmful relationship with a guy that believed his problems were the only problems that mattered. My family lived in another state which sucked but honestly even if they had been in the same state, their presence would have probably added to my depression.

Let me explain. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I am a disappointment to her. I am first generation college student who was always good at school so my family expected me to go to a university, graduate in four years and get a good paying job right out of college. Let’s just say that did not happen. Instead I moved away from my family after my freshmen year, moved in with a boy, and dropped out of college. My family, especially my mom, likes to bring this up and how I should be done with school and my degree by now. Also my mom doesn’t believe in psychology and psychological disorders. She was raised in Mexico in a very Catholic environment and if you had a problem or any stress, you were to pray to God for help not go to a doctor or therapist. So when I had my mental breakdown, my mom could not understand why it was happening and she didn’t believe I needed therapy and medication. To add to all of this, I was getting texts from my sister, who was still living with my parents, that I needed to stop being selfish and move back home because I am upsetting our mom. Absolutely no support or kind words from her at all, just judgement. Lastly, the main reason my depression would have been worse with my family around…my dad. In another future post that I am going to write I will go into detail about my relationship with my dad. All I need to say now is that he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic for my entire childhood and life (until recently) and he is a great deal of stress and anxiety in my life. I never told him about my depression or anxiety because he would have made a joke about it and believed that I was just being a “drama queen.” Currently, our relationship has improved slightly but if I spend too much time around him, or see him and my mom interact, my anxiety and stress spikes.

Okay, enough about my family drama. Back to reason I am writing all of this down. I want this page to be where I can write about anything and have a conversation with people about issues like depression, anxiety, family problems, unhealthy relationships. But also have a place to talk about fun things that I love like fantasy books (or just books in general XD), movies, harry potter, supernatural, dungeons and dragons, paranormal, conspiracies, etc. etc! I also want to continue to work on my poetry which has a special place in my heart. I think I covered everything I wanted to cover. I hope someone reads this and wants to come continue a conversation with me that I start. We shall see I guess! Thanks to anyone who is here reading this!

-Stacey

Posted in blog, emotions, friendship, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, mourning, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

Untitled

Been thinking of you lately 

All of our memories, 

our goals and dreams 

Images flood my mind 

The strangest things remind of me you 

The holidays always make me reflect 

On life, on my choices, my goals 

Before you were included in my life, choices, goals

Now you don’t fit into the equation

Around me I see happiness, a future 

I see my dreams coming true

A smile on my face more and more 

Then I remember you and the past 

You were my biggest cheerleader, 

My best friend 

But you choose to be hostile, to change and 

not be willing to change together 

So now I’m happy 

But without you

it seems weird 

I know it’s just weird now 

This is all new to me, of course it’s weird 

Soon I’ll still be happy

But without the weirdness  

because eventually this weirdness will disappear

Posted in blog, emotions, friendship, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, mourning, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

This is the end

Today 

I lost you 

For a long time I denied it 

I was in denial 

But today I lost you 

 

You and I were broken

Damaged 

Alone 

But you and I were twins at the end of the day

 

Together we suffered 

Together we survived 

Together we conquered

Because we were twins 

 

When we were down, we had each other 

When we were up, we celebrated together

When we cried, we cried together

When we needed support, we supported each other 

 

Now we scowl, bark, bicker

Now we judge, criticize, disdain

 

Do you miss us?

I know I do

 

Losing you has hurt me more than I imagined 

Losing you has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to face

This loss will take a long time to recover 

But I will recover

I will move on, 

I will be happy

Posted in emotions, friendship, lifestyle, love, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

Unknown Game

Silence speaks loudly to me
This distance draws me closely
The unknown kills
While the known changes to fiction

Everything happens for a reason
But the reason is unclear
And when the silence speaks louder than words
This game is painful
No enjoy remains

I may appear weak
Fragile
I swear I am not
Honesty is all I seek

The silence kills me
The unknown cripples me
Be honest
Free me of this constant torture

Posted in blog, emotions, poem, poetry, Uncategorized

Pretend

Force that smile,
that affection,
that laughter,
Force that joy

That is what they all want
No sadness
No anxiety
Only joy

A constant performance of happiness
Acceptable
Nothing less than that

How dare you not be happy?
You were never anxious before
Completely unacceptable
Do better

Your anxiety
Makes us uncomfortable
No reason for it
We will dismiss it now

Force that smile,
that affection,
that laughter

Not anymore
Never again

-Stacey

Posted in poem, poetry, Uncategorized

Light

There is a light
A light at the end of the tunnel
This brightness is exciting
It is comforting
But it is real?

Guilt and worry
Catching up to me
Two roads
Brightness
Darkness

Darkness is normal
A constant in my life
Staying on this road
Would be so easy
Familiar

Wait
I deserve more than darkness
I deserve warmth, safety
Everything that comes from this light
I deserve

-Stacey

Posted in blog, poem, poetry

Serenity

I want peace
That is all I want
Secure and safety
That is all I want

Is that too much to ask for?
Others have that,
Why not me?
I’m a decent person
Or maybe I’m not

I want happiness
That feeling to everyone should feel
I’ll take content
I just don’t want to feel any emptiness
Every second of every day

Peace, secure, safety
All of these and more
I want these in my life
Please someday soon
Let my life change

-Stacey

serenity