A few months ago, I wrote about a friendship of mine that had changed. One where my friend and I were very close, very dependent on each other but after 10+ years of friendship, we were just becoming too different to stay best friends. But since that post, many things have happened.
My friend and I used to be roommates and wow, was that a bad choice. Our friendship pretty much dissolved completely in just a year. The first post where I wrote about our friendship was about 9 to 10 months into us living together. If any of you have read that post, which was called “Friendships Change,” you would understand how our friendship was before it blew up. It was helpful, healing, and just fun. Music played a huge role in our friendship. Unhealthy family dynamics probably played the largest role in our friendship.
Anyways, I wanted to write about this again because since that post, the friendship has completely exploded. Even though I was still under a lease at our apartment, I just told her that I would continue to pay my part of the rent but I was moving out. I couldn’t live in a place where I felt constantly criticized and where my life and the people in my life were looked at with disdain.
I had hoped deep down that once I moved out and some time had passed, we would be able to maybe mend our friendship. I didn’t think we would ever be best friends again like before, but maybe just a friend that you talk and hang out with here and there. How wrong I was.
As soon as our lease was up and we moved completely out, she removed me from all social media and blocked me. The day I found that out, man, did it hurt. All my hopes about keeping her in my life were gone. It has been about 5 months since we last talked. Whenever something big or important happens in my life, my first instinct is to text her and tell her about it but then I remember I can’t do that anymore.
There are some days when all of this really hurts and I just want to cry. She was like a sister to me, someone who I trust over everyone else. I know I don’t have that person anymore, that they are just gone sucks so much. I have grieved for loved ones before that have passed away, and this pain is very similar to that. The person who was my sister, my best friend is gone; she doesn’t exist anymore.
Day by day, the pain is slowly fading. I have made new friendships, who support and encourage me, who love the me I am today. She made her choice. If she wants nothing to do with me anymore, then I will move on and eventually, I hope that I will just remember our friendship for the good times we had. I wish her nothing but the best.
If any of you have ever gone through something like this or are currently going through this, just know it gets better. But remember, it is still okay to mourn that friendship, that held a special place in your heart for so long.